“Curlers in your hair…Shame on you!” – Some old commercial, for some product I don’t even remember.
So I keep reading a LOT about “slut shaming.” Maybe I wouldn’t, if I stayed off Reddit or Facebook, but it seems like this some kind of “big thing” and I’m supposed to vehemently against it because omigodfeministrapecultureyempowermentaddayaddayadda.
But you know what?
I. Don’t. Care.
Because the ONLY person who can make me feel ashamed of myself is ME
So, my personal take on slut-shaming is that I don’t give a flying fuck about what people think about my choices/lifestyle/behavior. If some pork-sword wants to think I’m a slut for whatever reason he/she might configure in his/her head…FUCK him. If someone who CLAIMS to care about/love me starts in about it, then I’m going to need re-evaluate if I believe that person really DOES love or care about me at all.
Long ago, I gave up worrying about what other people say about me. I dealt with all that crap when I was a pre-teen/teenager when people made fun of me because I was fat or because I was a “tomboy” or because I wasn’t popular or my clothes/hair/whatever were “weird,” and what I’ve learned from quite a bit of living is that there are ALWAYS going to be assholes who judge you because you’re not like them and they’ve got nothing better going on in their lives than to try to fuck with you. However, by the time I got out of high school I learned that *I* am in control of my self-esteem; not my parents, not my friends…and certainly not strangers.
So when someone gives you shit about you bouncing your booty in public or wearing a t-shirt that shows off your tig ol’ bitties or the fact that you’re fucking three different people at a time, ask yourself if you’re feeling ashamed because someone ELSE says you should be…or because it’s making YOU feel bad about YOURSELF.
You have a choice to NOT CARE what anyone thinks or says.
If you ever feel “shame” about something you’ve said or done, only you can decide if you want to change that. Maybe you hurt someone you love and you’re ashamed of that. Well, fuck yeah…make that right. Maybe you were an asshole yourself. Maybe you SHOULD feel some shame about that. Fix it.
But if your church or religion or your parents or your significant other or random douchebags on the internet are are telling you should be ashamed of who you are, it’s probably time to find another organization or nicer people to share your life/time on, rather than being evaluated about stuff by individuals in some pretty thin, glass houses. Ask yourself WHY you want to around humans who don’t think you’re good enough for them.
Yes, it would be nice if we could FORCE all the assholes to be, well…NOT ASSHOLES. But that isn’t going to happen. But luckily, you have a choice to NOT be around those people. Words and judgements only hurt of you allow them to hurt you.
The “solution” is to live a life of which YOU are proud; whatever that is. Don’t expect or insist that the world at large accept you. Accept YOURSELF and choose to live without shame. If you don’t FEEL shame; then “slut shaming” ceases to exist.